


the fluff collective

by plincess_cho (ai_hao)



Category: Super Junior
Genre: FWP - fluff without plot, Gen, a series of ficlets, basically just fluff, non-au, that's it that's the fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-08 19:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ai_hao/pseuds/plincess_cho
Summary: A collection of fluff ficlets in an attempt to make the world a softer place.





	1. index

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jaeopardy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeopardy/gifts), [andcntes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andcntes/gifts), [silversymphony](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversymphony/gifts).



> for mila, my muse and inspiration ♡

eunhyuk / donghae

  * [comfort](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681/chapters/33972093) ; 982 words | hyukjae is upset and needs to be loved.
  * [mokpo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681/chapters/33973089) ; 1229 words | donghae needs to escape from the city and finds solace in nature.
  * [enlistment](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681/chapters/33973170) ; 1447 words | donghae and hyukjae spend their first enlistment holiday together.
  * [stress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681/chapters/34038501) ; 2000 words | hyukjae's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and donghae helps to ease his burden.
  * [spark joy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681/chapters/42607487) ; 1140 words | if it sparks joy, keep it. (if he sparks joy, keep him).
  * [5000](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681/chapters/44387161) ; 1188 words | hyukjae and donghae watch _avengers: endgame_ together.



siwon / donghae

  * [birthday](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681/chapters/35303999) ; 1554 words | donghae turns 20 and wishes his family was there to celebrate with him.
  * [orca](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681/chapters/35425572) ; 1392 words | donghae gets lonely when siwon is off filming without him.



eunhyuk / siwon / donghae:

  * [take care](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681/chapters/36038148) ; 2002 words | siwon brings donghae and hyukjae a taste of home in japan. 



kyuhyun / zhou mi:

  * [我挺你 (i've got you)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700681/chapters/38424269) ; 1879 words | they'll make it, won't they?




	2. eunhae ; comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyukjae is upset and needs to be loved.

Donghae hears the lock click on his front door and looks up to see a very forlorn Hyukjae slink into his line of vision. He immediately knows that something isn’t right and realizes that this is why Hyukjae had disappeared so quickly after their last filming.   


Hyukjae, Donghae has realized, operates much differently than he does when it comes to emotions. When Donghae is upset, he invites himself over to Hyukjae’s, Teuk’s, or Donghwa’s. He’ll open his arms and wait for someone to hug him and hold him until the sadness recedes. If they’re on schedules, he’ll just latch on to whoever is closest to him and accept whatever love they’ll give. They all have a soft spot for him, and he knows it.

But Hyukjae… Hyukjae is different. When he’s mildly upset, he’ll pout about it and make passive comments, hoping that someone will take the hint and cheer him up. When he’s pretty upset, he’ll disappear, retreating into himself as he tries to sort things out on his own. Yet when he’s incredibly upset, he’ll reach out tentatively, trying to downplay the whole thing in case whoever he’s appealing to rejects him. Donghae doesn’t really understand this phenomenon.  _ “If you’re upset, just tell me!”  _ he’ll say, but Hyukjae will still dance around the issue until it’s too big to ignore.

So when Hyukjae opens the door to Donghae’s apartment and walks into the kitchen, with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders like a cape and an mournful expression that wrenches Donghae’s heart in two, donghae knows that things are Not Good.

“Hey,” Donghae says softly. He sets the pot he had been washing down in the sink and rinses the soap off his hands before walking over to Hyukjae.

“Hey,” Hyukjae replies, refusing to meet Donghae’s eyes. “What, uh, what are you up to?” his voice wavers slightly.

“Just cleaning,” Donghae says.

Hyukjae looks around at the clothes strewn all over the apartment. “I see,” he says.

“Yeah.”

Hyukjae seems like he wants to say something else, but he can’t seem to get the words out. Instead, he just examines a loose thread on the blanket and forces himself to take a deep breath. Donghae watches as he rapidly tries to blink back tears, but one escapes, trailing down Hyukjae’s cheek.

“Hey,” Donghae says gently. he reaches out to fold Hyukjae into his arms, blanket and all. He feels hyukjae sag against him and his shoulders start to shake. “Hey, hey,” Donghae murmurs soothingly. He strokes Hyukjae’s back as Hyukjae starts to cry.

They stand like that for a good while, Donghae leaning against the refrigerator with Hyukjae leaning against him. Donghae feels Hyukjae’s arms tighten around his waist, holding him tightly as if clinging to a life raft. Donghae wonders if maybe today he is Hyukjae’s life raft, the one place of safety in the storm of sadness.

Hyukjae buries his face against Donghae’s shoulder, and Donghae reaches one hand to stroke through his hair. It must be freshly washed, Donghae thinks, because his hair is soft, and Donghae’s fingers glide through it easily. The simple action seems to calm Hyukjae down, because slowly, his sobs subside. Donghae feels the muscles in Hyukjae’s back relax and feels Hyukjae’s heart slow from a frantic beating to a slower, normal pace. He continues running his fingers through Hyukjae’s hair, gently rubbing up and down Hyukjae’s scalp. 

Finally, Hyukjae loosens his hold slightly but doesn't let go. He leans back and finally looks Donghae in the eye. His eyes are red from tears, and his cheeks are burned from the salt. 

To most people, he looks like shit, but to Donghae, he looks like the most beautiful thing in the world.

Because out of all of the people that Hyukjae could have turned to in his distress, he came to Donghae for Donghae’s comfort and Donghae’s embrace and Donghae’s love. And there’s nothing Donghae loves more than being loved, than being  _ needed _ .

“How are you feeling?” Donghae asks softly.

“Better,” Hyukjae says, his voice still wavering. “Just… just don’t let go.”

“I won’t,” Donghae replies.

And he doesn’t.

He holds Hyukjae close until their legs hurt from standing, at which point they migrate to the couch where Donghae pulls Hyukjae down next to him. The couch is wide enough for both of them to stretch out lengthwise, and Donghae feels Hyukjae nestle against his front, desperate for as much body contact as possible. Donghae knows the feeling: how many times had he begged Hyukjae to sleep over because he needed the warmth of another human so near? More times than he could count, and now, he’s more than happy to provide the warmth that Hyukjae needs. 

The apartment is quiet. The television is off, no music is playing, and they’re up high enough not to hear the cacophony of the streets below. All Donghae can hear is Hyukjae’s breathing, now slow and even. It’s… comforting. He’s used to the sound of Hyukjae breathing, just like he’s used to the sound of Hyukjae’s voice, of Hyukjae’s footsteps, of Hyukjae’s existence. 

He wants to ask what’s wrong, to ask what terrible wrong had occurred to send Hyukjae running for comfort, but he doesn’t. He knows that Hyukjae will share when he’s good and ready, even if that point is days away.

Instead, he contents himself with holding Hyukjae as close as possible. Hyukjae, his best friend in the whole entire world. Hyukjae, the one who understands him better than anyone else. Hyukjae, the person who made life make sense for the first time after his father died.

Hyukjae, the person he loves more than anyone else in the world.

And better yet, the person who loves him more than anyone else in the world.

And Donghae thinks, 

that maybe,

this is what it feels like,

to hold the entire world,

in your hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are love ♡


	3. eunhae ; mokpo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghae needs to escape from the city and finds solace in nature.

  
They have a break between schedules, and Donghae decides to drive down to Mokpo for a little vacation. He hasn’t been back in eons and frankly just wants to relax. They’ve been prepping for new activities, which is both exciting and incredibly stressful. The hecticness of it all is starting to throw him off kilter, and he needs to reorient himself before he finds himself spinning into oblivion. So he throws a few sets of clothes into a duffel bag and grabs his keys off the hook by the door.    
  
He opens the door to find Hyukjae standing there, his own suitcase at the ready. “You’d mentioned you were going to Mokpo and well—“ he offers a sheepish smile. 

 

Donghae motions for him to follow, secretly grateful for the company. He hadn’t been looking forward to the long drive down by himself. Too much time alone to retreat too far into his own thoughts.   
  
Once they arrive at Donghae’s family home, Donghae’s aunts immediately rush out welcome them both with hugs and kisses for both of them. Hyukjae has maybe met them all once, but they don’t care. “You’re like family,” they tell him, and he lets himself be led inside to the kitchen filled with delicious food. Hyukjae eats until he feels like he’s going to burst and knows that he’ll regret it later.    
  
“Come on,” Donghae says, pulling Hyukjae away from another helping. “Let’s go for a hike.”   
  
Hyukjae doesn’t really want to move, but Donghae is eager. He follows Donghae out the door of the house and through the fields in the back. The weather is warm, and Hyukjae feels himself start to sweat. It feels nice; the air is toasty and dry instead of sweltering like in the city.    
  
They hike into a grove of trees, where the only sounds they hear are birds chirping, leaves rustling, and the sound of their own footsteps. Hyukjae hasn’t been out of the city in eons, and just being in the forest feels rejuvenating. He wonders why Donghae doesn’t come out here more, but it is a good distance from the city and they hardly have enough time to breathe these days.    
  
Suddenly, Donghae turns off the path and starts cutting through some trees.    
  
“Uhh,” Hyukjae says, pausing. “Shouldn’t we stay on the path?”   
  
“Come on,” Donghae says, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the trees. “I grew up here, remember? I know this place like the back of my hand.”   
  
So Hyukjae follows him through the grove until they come out to a clearing. There’s a small lake with dark water surrounded by rocks covered with moss and tiny wildflowers.   
  
“This is one of my favorite places in the world,” Donghae says, and Hyukjae can hear the happiness in his voice. He looks over to see Donghae pull his shirt over his head. He unbuckles his belt and drops his pants in a pile next to his shirt, shoes, and socks until he’s just standing in his underwear. Without warning, he takes a few steps back before taking a running jump into the water. He disappears for a moment before resurfacing with a huge grin. He pushes his hair back from his face and motions for Hyukjae to join.    
  
He strips down as well, and Donghae can’t help but laugh at Hyukjae standing on the side of the lake with his Giorgio Armani boxer briefs. He looks like the city kid Donghae has always known him to be.    
  
“What’s so funny?” Hyukjae asks, eyeing the dark water hesitantly. He’s never been a huge fan of water, but as he watches Donghae flip onto his back and lazily paddle through the water, he decides to go for it. He takes one step into the lake and—   
  
And the water is far deeper than he thought, and he immediately disappears under the water. He comes up sputtering, and Donghae cackles.    
  
“That’s why you jump,” Donghae says, and Hyukjae sends a splash of water in his direction.    
  
They laze around for the afternoon, paddling around the lake and talking nonsense. No one else comes down the secluded path, so they have the place to themselves. They drag themselves out and climb up onto shore to dry out in the sun.    
  
“This place is amazing,” Hyukjae says, sighing happily. He closes his eyes and leans back against the grass.    
  
“I used to come out here as a kid,” Donghae says. “Whenever I was upset or angry, I’d run out here and swim until my fingers wrinkled. Mom would send Donghwa out to find me if I hadn’t come back by dinner.”   
  
“And would it help?” Hyukjae asks.    
  
“Mmhmm,” Donghae murmurs.    
  
“I never really had a place like that,” Hyukjae says thoughtfully. “I didn’t have a place of my own at all.”   
  
Donghae rolls onto his side and props his head up with his hand. “You can share mine,” he says. “I want you to have an escape too.”   
  
Hyukjae doesn’t say anything. He just smiles.    
  
They pull their clothes back on once they’ve dried out and make their way back to the house. They chat with the aunts and uncles, and even some of Donghae’s cousins who wander by to see the big star from the city. It’s funny to Hyukjae, but he sits back and listens to Donghae slip into dialect and laugh along with his cousins.    
  
“What do you think of Mokpo?” one of them asks Hyukjae.    
  
“It’s nice,” Hyukjae says. “It... it’s a special place.”    
  
Donghae meets his gaze and smiles.   
  
The two of them sneak out before they’re too drunk to drive, and Donghae drags him back through the fields and up a hill. He flops down on the grass, and Hyukjae tumbles down next to him.    
  
“This,” he says, motioning to the sky, “is my second favorite place.”   
  
Hyukjae looks up to see the brightest stars he’s ever seen twinkling in the night sky. There are no clouds that he can see, and the moon is hidden.    
  
“Wow,” Hyukjae says.   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
They lie there, pointing out constellations they remember from elementary school, and picking out the ones they don’t with some smartphone app Hyukjae remembers seeing in an advertisement. The night is peaceful, and Hyukjae wonders why Donghae ever even moved to the city if all of his favorite places are here.   
  
“Wait,” Hyukjae says suddenly. “You said this was one of your favorite places. What’s the other one?”   
  
Donghae rolls onto his back and looks up at the sky. “Any place where I’m with you.”   
  
Hyukjae feels Donghae’s hand brush against his own, and he doesn’t move away. Instead, he stretches out his fingers and entwines them with Donghae’s. Donghae squeezes his hand, and even in the dark, Hyukjae can see him smile.    
  
They walk back to the house like that, fingers locked and shoulders bumping against each other. Donghae’s hand fits so well into Hyukjae’s, and Hyukjae brushes his thumbs over Donghae’s.    
  
They make the decision to start back for Seoul instead of staying the night. It’ll be easier to drive without traffic anyways, and Hyukjae jokes that Donghae isn’t a good enough driver to brave traffic. Donghae shoves him, and they chase each other back to the car, giggling into the night.    
  
And on the drive back, Hyukjae falls asleep and can’t see Donghae glancing over with a look of utter contentment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly I know nothing about the geography of Mokpo, so just pretend.
> 
> As always, comments are love ♡


	4. eunhae ; holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghae and Hyukjae spend their first enlistment holiday together.

Their first holiday together is spent in a hotel outside the city limits. It’s a favorite for idols looking to escape from the prying eyes of fans in an unassuming building on a little side street. Donghae gets there first due to his schedule letting out earlier, and he spends the first half of the evening at the gym. He always works out when he’s stressed, and though he’s not  _ stressed _ per say, he definitely feels anxiety gnawing at his stomach.

It’s ridiculous, he knows, but that only seems to make things worse. He hasn’t seen Hyukjae since he enlisted--since  _ they _ enlisted--and they’ve only been apart a few weeks. He’s known Hyukjae for literally half of his life. A few weeks’ apart shouldn’t matter.

Right?

The last time they’d been apart for more than a few days had been years ago, when Donghae had left for China with SJM without Hyukjae. At first, he had been so excited to go to a new country and eat new food and experience a new place, but the moment he had stepped on the plane, his stomach had sunk.

_ “Where’s Hyukjae?” _ he’d asked Han Geng.

_ “He’s not coming. He’s not in SJM, remember?” _

And then, Donghae had remembered.

That had been a rough time. In 2008, the technology had been laughable, and Donghae hadn’t even been able to buy a Chinese SIM card for their time away. The hotel hadn’t had wifi either, and he’d spent a solid month crying into his pillow because he missed the other members.

Specifically Hyukjae.

He’d been marvelously upset towards the end of the trip: a combination of homesickness, promotion fatigue, and indigestion from all the unfamiliar foods. He’d been rummaging through his suitcase for some medicine when he’d pulled out a t-shirt that definitely didn’t belong to him. It had smelled like someone had dunked it in cologne, but Donghae hadn’t cared. He’d pulled on Hyukjae’s t-shirt, and that night as he went to bed, he had happy dreams for the first time all tour.

He’d asked Hyukjae about it when they’d finally gotten home. Donghae had spent the night in Hyukjae’s room, both of them cuddled up under the covers and talking about everything that had happened in the weeks they’d been apart.

_ “I figured… I would miss you… so I thought… you might… miss me too,” _ Hyukjae had said, his words so hesitant and unsure. 

Donghae had nearly started sobbing right then and there. Of course he had missed Hyukjae, and the thought that maybe he wouldn’t miss him… Nearly broke Donghae’s heart into a million pieces. Instead, he had threaded his fingers through Hyukjae’s as he nestled against his side and informed Hyukjae in no uncertain terms that he would always miss him, even if they were apart for an hour.

Hyukjae had snorted, but he’d squeezed Donghae’s hand, letting Donghae know that he felt the same way.

Hyukjae arrives right as Donghae gets back to the room and hugs him tightly despite Donghae’s somewhat bedraggled appearance. Donghae clings tightly to Hyukjae, a sense of relief washing over him. Nobody hugs during enlistment, and more than once, Donghae had found himself craving the simple touch of another human. He’d hugged his mother and brother at his graduation from basic training, but… 

But no one could replace the feeling of Hyukjae in his arms. 

Hyukjae, who fits so well into his embrace. Hyukjae, the person he loves more than anyone. Hyukjae, who is finally back where he belongs.

And then… And then it feels like Donghae’s return from China all over again. Hyukjae changes into civilian clothes, so thankful to be free of the strict uniform he’s been confined to for so long, and they order an obscene amount of room service. They eat, curled up on the coach, talking about life, and flicking through TV channels. It’s so simple, and yet Donghae hasn’t felt this elated in a long time. He keeps sneaking glances at Hyukjae as if seeing him for the first time, trying to take in every second of this beautiful memory.

“What?” Hyukjae asks, when he catches Donghae staring. 

Donghae just shrugs. “I missed your ugly face.”

Hyukjae shoves him, but laughs all the same.

When they finally turn off the TV to go to bed, Hyukjae closes his eyes almost immediately. They’d run drills that afternoon, and Donghae knows the physical strain of enlistment is taking its toll on Hyukjae. 

But he can’t help reaching out to touch. To touch Hyukjae’s biceps, more defined than before. To touch Hyukjae’s chest, more firm than he remembers. To touch Hyukjae’s face, tanned by the sun to a beautiful shade. 

“What are you doing?” Hyukjae mumbles, as Donghae traces the line of his jaw.

“Just… Just making sure that you’re really here.”  _ That you’re not some hyper-realistic illusion in my delirium of missing you. _

“Idiot.” But he scoots closer all the same.

Hyukjae’s got his arm around Donghae’s shoulders, and Donghae falls asleep with his head on Hyukjae’s chest, his hand resting on Hyukjae’s stomach. He hasn’t done something like this in a long time, and he hopes Hyukjae can’t hear his sighs of relief. It’s a beautiful feeling: feeling safe, feeling comfortable, and feeling loved beyond belief.

They spend the next day wandering through the neighborhoods with big sweatshirts and face masks. They probably still look like celebrities, but Donghae doesn’t care. Some days, he even misses being a celebrity. But this time is for Hyukjae, and they do their best to remain inconspicuous. They eat lunch at a tiny ddeokbokki place that Hyukjae had found on the internet before going back to the hotel. Neither of them really want to do anything; it’s enough just existing together.

Hyukjae’s alarm goes off far too early the next morning, and Donghae feels him drag himself out of bed with a groan. He hears the shower start and rolls over to grab his phone, checking the time. He doesn’t want this time to end, and he swallows hard at the lump in his throat.

By the time Hyukjae is out of the shower, their room service breakfast has arrived, and Donghae is already scooping rice into bowls. They eat without talking, and the silence is comfortable. That’s what he had missed the most about Hyukjae, Donghae thinks. The comfortable feeling of being with someone who knows the deepest parts of you and loves you anyways. So much so that you don’t need words or signs to express it.

They finish eating, and Donghae lounges on the bed, watching Hyukjae get dressed. Hyukjae steps into his camouflage fatigues before pulling on the standard ROKA-issue black tee. Donghae watches as Hyukjae’s back muscles disappear as the fabric falls down his back. There’s a twinge in his heart, knowing that when he gets dressed, he’ll put on his police uniform and will go back to what seems like the opposite end of the world. They’re not on the same team anymore, even though they’re working towards the same goal as Korean citizens. Yet it feels weird all the same.

Hyukjae has to leave to get back to base camp, but Donghae doesn’t want to let him go. Instead, he pulls Hyukjae into his embrace, holding to him tightly and treasuring these last few moments together. Hyukjae just fits so well in his arms. He feels Hyukjae rest his chin on his shoulder as Hyukjae’s arms tighten around his waist. 

After several long, lingering moments, they break apart, and Hyukjae gives him a watery smile.

“See you in a few weeks,” he says softly. He pulls Donghae close one last time, and Donghae feels Hyukjae’s heartbeat against his own chest.

“A few weeks,” Donghae replies, his voice barely a whisper.

A few weeks.  
A lifetime.

Donghae watches as Hyukjae picks up his bag to head out. With the  _ click _ of the hotel door, Donghae’s world shifts off its axis again. He sighs and pulls his shirt over his head to go shower, to drown his sorrows in the hot steam. He steps back out, towel wrapped around his waist, and fishes through his own bag for his own uniform. He dresses quickly and starts packing up his civilian clothes from the weekend. He realizes that his shirt is nowhere to be found, but in its place, he finds a neatly folded shirt that definitely doesn’t belong to him.

There’s a post-it note stuck to the front that simply reads “For Donghae.” He holds the fabric to his nose and breathes in the welcome scent of his favorite person in the universe, and he thinks that maybe, these next few weeks, won’t be so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are love ♡


	5. eunhae ; stress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyukjae's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and Donghae helps to ease his burden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Mila, like always ♡

Hyukjae stares down at the stage diagram he’s been working on for the past two hours and tries to make sense of it. He really needs this upcoming tour to be perfect, especially since it’s his first time fully directing a live tour. He’s excited, of course, but recently, that excitement has been overshadowed by pure tension. He’s been so stressed about all he needs to do and making sure everything is up to his expectations that he hasn’t eaten, slept, or bathed properly in weeks. He’s working himself into a proper state and knows he should take a break but… but there’s so much to do that he can’t bring himself to stop. After all, isn’t it better to burn out bright than fade into oblivion? 

But this diagram still isn’t falling into place, and he erases and re-draws the schematic so many times that the paper is starting to wear thin. 

He doesn’t hear the front door slide open, and he leaps out of his chair when Donghae claps him on the shoulder. Hyukjae turns wild-eyed to find Donghae standing in a suit, carrying a plastic bag of what he assumes is takeout. “What are you doing here?” he asks roughly.

“Thought you might be hungry,” Donghae says, a trace of a smirk on his lips. “Didn’t realize you’d be so jumpy.”

“Yeah well, that’s what happens when people break into your house without asking,” Hyukjae replies icily. He sits back down to his work, blatantly ignoring Donghae.

“I brought food,” Donghae says a little too loudly, pushing aside the debris from Hyukjae’s last few takeout meals to set the bag on top of the table. “Take a break!” he smacks Hyukjae’s shoulder, but even the light tap sends a shock of pain through Hyukjae’s system. 

“Don’t touch me!” he exclaims, recoiling from Donghae’s touch and standing back up to glare at him.

Donghae’s face falls, and Hyukjae knows he’s hurt. Yet he doesn’t say anything, and they just stand there staring at each other without saying a word.

Donghae breaks the silence first. “Your shoulders are really tense,” he says softly. "I-I didn't realize, I'm sorry."  


“Ya think?” Hyukjae replies, but he immediately regrets it as he sees Donghae’s own shoulders droop. “I’m just… Stressed,” he offers by way of meager apology.

“I know,” Donghae says. He motions towards the bag of food. “For you. I’ll get out of your way.” He turns to leave.

Hyukjae groans inwardly. Donghae is upset, and as much as he really doesn’t have time to deal with Donghae, he knows he should. It’ll only get worse if he doesn’t, and how are they supposed to go on tour together if they’re mad at each other? So instead, he calls out, “No, stay.” He opens the bag and offers out a container as a peace offering.

Donghae takes a deep breath and turns around. Hyukjae can see the tears in his eyes, but Donghae brushes them away without acknowledging them. He tosses his suit jacket onto the couch before helping Hyukjae clear off the table. It’s a week’s worth of takeout containers, discarded stage diagrams, and tissues, and Hyukjae grimaces as he realizes how much had accumulated. He’s normally so neat and tidy but this past week…

They eat dinner in silence, and Hyukjae has to admit the food is good. He can’t really remember the last time he’d eaten, and his stomach is suddenly ravenous. They plow through the containers in short order, and once they’re both properly fed, the tension between them seems to lift.

“How is planning going?” Donghae asks, eyeing the papers strewn across the table.

Hyukjae sighs. “It’s… it’s going,” he replies. He tries to explain the troubles he’s been having with the stage schematics, and it comes out as a huge jumble of words. He feels his shoulders tense up again as he thinks about everything.

Hyukjae wants to cry.

His body is in so much pain, he has a raging headache, and he can’t seem to make sense of anything. He’s starting to wish that he hadn’t signed up to direct this tour, but it’s a great opportunity and he should be grateful and know that his hard work will pay off and and and… 

And then he  _ is _ crying into Donghae’s starched white shirt that will definitely have to go to the dry cleaner’s now. Donghae is stroking his back, but his body is so tense that his gentle touches don’t have the soothing power they usually do, which makes him cry even harder. The tears sting at his already bloodshot eyes, and Hyukjae can’t remember a time he’d been in more pain.

“Hyuk, you need to take a break,” Donghae says softly.

“Can’t,” Hyukjae chokes out. “Too much to do.”

“You’re going to burn yourself out before we even start,” Donghae says. “Trust me, a night off will help you think clearly tomorrow.”

Hyukjae lifts his head to look at Donghae through teary eyes. His task list keeps ringing in his ears but he wants to believe that Donghae is right.

“Trust me,” Donghae says, his voice soft. 

And Hyukjae does. “Okay,” he says quietly. 

“Okay,” Donghae says. “C’mon, why don’t you go take a nice long shower and then I’ll try to work out some of the tension in your shoulders? The shower should help relieve some of the tension.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Donghae says. “Plus, you stink.”

A chuckle escapes Hyukjae’s lips, and he swats weakly at Donghae. Donghae pushes him in the direction of the shower. He takes a whiff of his shirt and realizes that he does indeed smell quite terrible. He strips down, turns the shower on, and steps under the welcoming spray with a groan. It does feel amazing.

When he’s done, he towels off and pulls on a pair of shorts. He finds Donghae in his bedroom wearing a shirt that might be his and a pair of track pants that are definitely his. He directs Hyukjae to lie down on his stomach, and Hyukjae does. He hasn’t slept in his bed in eons on account of falling asleep for short spurts elsewhere. And then there are the nightmares…

He finds a comfortable position on his stomach and closes his eyes immediately. He hears Donghae opening something, and soon, a gentle scent fills the room.

“What is that?” Hyukjae mumbles.

“Massage oil,” Donghae replies. “With some essential oils that are supposed to be soothing. At least that’s what Teuk said and he gets massages all the time.”

He feels Donghae straddle him before his start rubbing the oils into his back. Donghae massages into Hyukjae’s shoulders, and Hyukjae cries out in pain. Yet soon Donghae’s ministrations bring relief. He feels the tension starting to ease as Donghae kneads his sore muscles, and he moans in relief. Slowly but surely, Donghae’s hands work methodically through every knot of tension in Hyukjae’s back until Hyukjae has all but melted into the blankets. Donghae’s hands are strong but gentle, and Hyukjae can literally feel his tension being massaged away.

Hyukjae has nearly fallen asleep by the time Donghae finishes massaging his shoulders. He hears Donghae twist open the bottle of oil again and feels Donghae gently rubbing more of the soothing oils into his back. The scent really is relaxing, and Hyukjae feels his mind start to clear. Even is mood is better, and Hyukjae wonders, not for the first time, if Donghae has some sort of supernatural power to make him feel better. 

“How are you feeling?” Donghae asks, leaning down to whisper in Hyukjae’s ear.

“So good,” Hyukjae murmurs, his face pressed into the blankets. 

He feels the bed shift as Donghae stands back up. Hyukjae doesn’t even move; he feels so relaxed that even moving the smallest muscle might ruin his serenity. He hears Donghae switch on the faucet in the bathroom, presumably to wash the oil from his hands, and then shuffle back into the bedroom.

“You… stay?” Hyukjae mumbles. His eyes feel as heavy as lead now, but he cracks them open to see Donghae standing by the bed, looking awkward.

“Do you want me to?” Donghae’s voice is hesitant, and Hyukjae feels a twinge of regret, remembering how short he had been with Donghae earlier. He manages to prop himself up slightly to look at Donghae. “Of course,” he says, his voice soft.

“Okay,” Donghae replies, but he walks back towards the bathroom. He reemerges with clean teeth and a clean face. He pulls another comforter out of the wardrobe and spreads it out over Hyukjae so he doesn’t have to get up to get under the covers. Donghae leans over to switch off the lights, and Hyukjae waits for him to get comfortable before scooting close against Donghae’s side. Donghae stretches out to put his arm around Hyukjae’s shoulders, and Hyukjae rests his head on Donghae’s shoulders and his hand against Donghae’s stomach. 

He wants to apologize, but the words get stuck in his throat. He’s not good with words when it comes to the serious things, he realizes. Everything seems so cheesy and forced, even if the emotions are real. So instead, he just nestles close and says softly, “Thanks, Hae.”

Donghae just hums in reply, and Hyukjae feels the last bit of tension melt away. He can smell Donghae’s cologne now in addition to the scent of the oils, and he thinks that maybe that scent is the most calming of them all. He feels his eyes closing as he slips into dreamland for the first time in eons.

Hyukjae wakes to the sun pouring in through the windows he hadn’t shut the night before, and he realizes that he doesn’t even remember his dreams. All he knows is that they weren’t nightmares. They’d shifted positions during the night, and now Hyukjae is on his back with Donghae stretched out practically on top of him. It’s a comfortable weight, and Hyukjae chuckles softly to himself. He’d rather have the weight of Donghae on his chest than the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He reaches out for his tablet that’s sitting on the bedside table before propping himself up against the pillows. Donghae readjusts accordingly but doesn’t wake. Hyukjae balances his tablet on Donghae’s back as he checks through the setlist before sending off the final version to Shim Jaewon and Shindong for their approval and input. All of the tasks that had seemed so cumbersome the night before now seem much simpler, and Hyukjae checks several things off his list before Donghae wakes.

“Good morning,” he mumbles, looking up at Hyukjae with bleary eyes.

“Good morning yourself,” Hyukjae replies. “Hungry?”

“Always,” Donghae says.

They order takeout again, and when Hyukjae gets out of bed to meet the deliveryman at the door, he realizes that Donghae had tidied up his workspace while he’d been in the shower. The trash has been thrown away, the table wiped down, and his papers organized neatly on the side. Hyukjae smiles as he turns on the espresso machine for Donghae, the one that he’d bought so Donghae wouldn’t rush out in the mornings to get his caffeine fix. 

They eat a leisurely breakfast before Hyukjae sits back down to work while Donghae showers. They leave for tour in two weeks, and Hyukjae finally thinks that he’ll be able to finish everything beforehand without going crazy.

“Where’d you even learn how to give massages anyways?” Hyukjae asks.

Donghae replies without turning from the espresso machine. “You said you were stressed, so I took some classes.”

“You did?”

Donghae shrugs. “You’re working on this tour for both of us and it’s stuff I can’t really help with so… I thought I could help you instead.”

It’s simple and sincere, just like Donghae always has been, and Hyukjae just stands there with a goofy smile until Donghae turns around. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Donghae grins. “Yeah, your idiot.”

It’s going to be a good tour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love! ♡


	6. sihae ; birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghae turns 20 and wishes his family was there to celebrate with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little birthday ficlet for the wonderful [poorvs](https://twitter.com/siwonahh) ♡

They’re going to debut next month, or so the company tells them. Siwon believes them this time, but some of the members are more hesitant. He understands; some of them have been in failed project groups before so why should this be any different?  
  
But now, they’ve shot a music video and have practiced choreography and have shot for the album jacket. It all feels so surreal, but Siwon is excited nonetheless. He looks around at the others and grins broadly. “Isn’t this great?” he asks.  
  
A few of them nod hesitantly, and some of the others only grunt in response. Yet Donghae looks back at him with shining eyes. “I can’t wait until we debut so my parents can see me on television!”  
  
Siwon reaches out and puts his arm around Donghae’s shoulders. “They’ll be so proud of you,” he says. He doesn’t know Donghae very well yet, but he does know that his parents are really rooting for him to debut. His dad has always wanted him to be a singer, he’s told Siwon. Siwon thinks that must be nice: his parents are still so hesitant about letting him do this. They’ve voiced their disapproval from day one, but Siwon hopes that someday his parents will be proud of him too.  
  
They finish up practice for the day, and everyone is flat-out exhausted. Nobody has slept well lately, Siwon has heard. Most days he wishes that he stayed in the dorms with the rest of the members, but now he’s secretly glad he can escape to the peace and quiet of his parents’ home for some much needed rest.  
  
He knows he should be getting home soon but...  
  
But he lingers like he always does, laughing and joking around with the others. Siwon giggles along with the others as one of the hyungs makes a dumb joke. They’re funny, he thinks, and he hopes that they’ll all get to spend a lot of time together. He knows that Super Junior05 is just the first of many rotations, but maybe, just maybe, they’ll all get to create beautiful memories together.  
  
Everyone disperses. Heechul and Kibum have a filming to get to, but most everyone else heads for the dorms. They need showers and sleep and some food. Siwon reaches into his bag for his metro card and is about to turn to go when he sees Donghae standing on the sidewalk, pulling change out of his pocket. He seems to be counting his money, making sure he has enough for whatever he wants to buy. Siwon watches as Donghae’s shoulders drop. He shoves his money back into his pocket and turns towards the dorms.  
  
“Hey, Donghae!” Siwon calls, running after him. He catches up and asks, “Did you need some change for the metro?”  
  
“No, I—“ Donghae starts, but then he catches himself. “It’s nothing.”  
  
Siwon looks at him quizzically. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a few bills. “I have some extra cash if you need it,” he says, offering the bills to Donghae.  
  
Donghae eyes the money in Siwon’s outstretched hand and nearly reaches for it, but he hesitates. “Well it’s just—“ his voice trails off.  
  
Siwon presses the bills into his hands. “Take it,” he says. “Are you going to the metro? I’m heading this way.”  
  
Donghae fiddles with the money but doesn’t put it in his pocket. “I’m not going to the metro,” he says. “I-I-I actually wanted to buy a hamburger. It’s… it’s my birthday” He holds the money back out to Siwon. “Thanks though.”  
  
“It’s your birthday?” Siwon exclaims, eyes brightening.  
  
Donghae nods, and he smiles sadly. “I’m 20,” he says. “I’d nearly forgotten since we’ve been so busy...”  
  
Siwon knows that his parents will be expecting him home soon, but he can’t leave Donghae standing there alone without even enough money for a birthday hamburger. He knows that most of the others are from poor families, drawn to SM Entertainment by the signing bonuses, and Siwon can’t even imagine the pressure that they’re under to succeed.  
  
So instead of turning towards the metro, Siwon gently closes Donghae’s fingers around the bills and says, “Hey, let’s go get hamburgers. My treat.”  
  
“Are... are you sure?” Donghae asks, but Siwon can tell he’s excited.  
  
“Of course,” he smiles. “After all, it’s your birthday.”  
  
They walk a few blocks north until Donghae turns them down a side street. The restaurant is small, but Siwon’s stomach is already growling at the smell of the hamburgers cooking on the grill. The ahjumma at the front eyes them suspiciously but lets them in anyways. Siwon realizes that they must look rather bedraggled, but the ahjumma has nothing to worry about.  
  
They order hamburgers, and a Siwon adds a basket of fries and two Cokes. As they wait for their food to arrive, Siwon asks, “How do you usually celebrate your birthday when you’re back home?”  
  
Donghae shifts awkwardly in his seat. “I haven’t been home for my birthday in four years,” he says softly. “Too expensive.”  
  
Siwon grimaces inwardly, but presses on. “What did you do as a kid? Seaweed soup and a trip to the beach?”  
  
Donghae thinks for a minute before a small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “Mom would always make seaweed soup even though Donghwa and I hated it. We’d have a competition to see who could eat theirs the fastest.” Siwon smiles, and Donghae continues. “Mom would spend all day in the kitchen making a delicious dinner, and then Dad would come home early from work that day so we could all eat together.”  
  
It’s a nice memory, and Donghae tells him all about the Lee family birthday traditions. It all sounds so wonderful, Siwon thinks. Simple, yet meaningful.  
  
“I wish my parents could be here,” Donghae says softly at the end. Siwon can see tears brimming in his eyes and doesn’t know what to say. His parents live in Seoul and he sees them daily, but Donghae... Donghae doesn’t get to see his parents hardly ever. “I hate not being able to celebrate my birthday with my family.”  
  
“Yeah,” Siwon says awkwardly. He doesn’t know what else to say; nothing else seems quite fitting. Thankfully, their food arrives, sparing him from any further awkwardness.  
  
He watches with amusement as Donghae takes a huge bite of his burger, savoring the birthday treat. He grins at Siwon with ketchup smeared all over his face, and Siwon’s heart melts. He lets Donghae have most of the fries and orders two more Cokes for the two of them.  
  
As they eat, they laugh and talk about practice, about the members, about their families, and about everything in between. Siwon admits that he wishes he lived in the dorms so that he could get to know the others, and Donghae nods in understanding. “It’s so cramped,” he says, “but it’s nice. I like sharing a room with the others.”  
  
At some point, Donghae gets up to use the restroom, and Siwon uses that opportunity to pay for their meal. He pulls some bills from his wallet and hands them to the ahjumma who had stared them down earlier. She hands him a receipt, and he waits for Donghae to return from the toilet so they can walk out together. Donghae comes back to the table, looks around for Siwon, and joins him at the front. He pulls the now-wadded up bills that Siwon had given him earlier from his pocket. “It’s not much, but I’ll pay you back when I can.”  
  
Siwon shakes his head. “No,” he says. “Consider it your birthday gift.”  
  
Donghae starts to tear up again, and Siwon gently takes him by the shoulders and guides him out of the restaurant. Once out on the street again, Donghae hugs him tightly.  
  
“Thank you,” he says, his voice choked with sobs.  
  
And with that, Siwon’s heart breaks into thousands of pieces. He’s seen Donghae cry before and he knows that he’s more homesick than anyone else in their group, but at this moment he wants nothing more than to protect Donghae with every bit of strength he can muster. He wraps his arms around Donghae’s shaking shoulders and pulls him close, letting him cry into his chest.  
  
“I know you miss your family,” Siwon says softly. “But maybe I can be your family here in Seoul.”  
  
Donghae looks up at him, eyes wet with tears, and says in a shaky voice, “Do you mean that?”  
  
Siwon nods. “Yes,” he says, his voice filled with sincerity. And he does mean it. He doesn’t know if they’ll be together for weeks, for months, or—he hardly dares to think it—years, but he wants to treasure every moment they have together and do his best to ease Donghae’s heartache.  
  
Donghae’s sobs subside, and Siwon walks him back to the dorms just to be sure he really is fine like he says. He hugs Siwon again before saying goodbye, and Siwon wishes him happy birthday once more. He watches as Donghae walks into the dormitory building and then turns to finally head back to his parents’ house.  
  
They might only have weeks together as Super Junior05, but for now, they have these moments together, and that’s enough for Siwon.  
  
And he hopes that it’ll be enough for Donghae too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are love ♡


	7. sihae ; orca

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghae gets lonely when Siwon is off filming without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [poorvs](https://twitter.com/siwonahh), like always ♡

Siwon checks his watch as the director calls the cast together to reshoot another scene. It’s well past midnight, and he suppresses a yawn as he hurries back to his position. They’ve been filming nonstop since the early morning, and as much as Siwon tries to convince himself he’s having fun, he really isn’t. His feet hurt from standing all day, his eyes burn from lack of sleep, and his brain hurts from trying to translate everything in his head. His Chinese has significantly improved since they first landed in Taiwan, but it still takes an extraordinary amount of effort to catch the nuances of what his cast members are saying.

They all wait as one of the stylists fixes the lead actress’s outfit. Siwon blinks rapidly to keep his eyes from drooping and wonders what Donghae is doing. He’s probably fast asleep back at the hotel after Skyping with the members back in Korea. He knows Donghae misses everyone a lot. They both do, but Siwon is exceptionally glad to be here with Donghae. They get along well and spend their downtime trying out new restaurants, watching movies, or going to church.

But… but he knows Donghae is lonely, especially when Siwon has long filmings that stretch late into the night, not unlike the shoot that he’s at right now. Donghae had texted him earlier, asking him when he was coming home.

_[donghae861015] when r u coming home_  
_[siwon407] Not for a few hours :^(_  
_[donghae861015] :((((_  
_[donghae861015] come home early, i want to watch cartoons :(_

Donghae, Siwon knows, is the type to get lonely easily. Donghae likes to love and be loved, likes to insert himself into the lives of everyone around him. It’s a good thing, Siwon thinks, that Donghae was put into such a large group: at any given time, there are as many as fourteen other members to dote on him. And they do dote on him. They all grumble and grouse about it, but in the end everyone will always indulge Donghae.

And Siwon is no different. Case in point: they’ve been to the aquarium four times since arriving in Taiwan, mainly because Donghae had wanted to go all four times. After the second time, Siwon had decided that he didn’t need to go to an aquarium for the next ten years, but somehow, Donghae had convinced him to go not once, but twice more.

It had been fun to see all of the animals, but it had been more enjoyable to watch Donghae staring up at the giant tanks filled with colorful fish. He’d stand there for hours if Siwon had let him, watching the animals swim around each other. He’d admitted to Siwon once that he wished he could be a fish so he could swim around too, feeling completely free in the water amongst so many other beautiful creatures.

On their last visit, they’d gone into the gift shop because Siwon had needed to use the toilet, and the only restrooms had been located directly next to the gift shop. When he had finished doing his business, he’d walked out to find Donghae holding the biggest stuffed orca Siwon had ever seen and smiling at him oh-so-sweetly.

_“Siwon-ah, please buy me this orca.”_

Siwon had just chuckled and said something like, _“But how will we ever get it back to Korea?”_

Yet Donghae had been adamant, and sure enough, they had walked out of the gift shop lugging a giant stuffed orca.

“And action!”

Siwon immediately drops the smile that had unconsciously crept across his face. The cameras are rolling again, and he puts all of his remaining energy into filming, desperately praying that this is the last scene for the night.

It is, and soon, he’s in the van heading back to the hotel. He pulls out his phone to check his messages and replies to a few texts from the members, an email from his parents, and some inquiries from the company. He feels his stomach growl and contemplates having the manager pull over for some late-night snacks, but as he watches his manager rub at his eyes, he realizes he must be as tired as he is.

Siwon bids the manager and the other staffs who had come back to the hotel with him goodnight in the lobby before heading upstairs to his room. He knows he should shower and go straight to bed, but instead he finds himself opening the connecting door between his and Donghae’s rooms. He peeks into Donghae’s room, expecting to find him fast asleep in bed, but instead his bed is empty and the door to the balcony is ajar. Siwon pushes the door the rest of the way open and walks towards the figure of Donghae sitting outside in the dark.

“I miss home,” he hears Donghae say. “I miss the members and my mom and hyung and Korean food and cell phone service. I miss having schedules besides this drama and I miss being able to understand everyone.”

Siwon guesses that Donghae is on the phone to someone and doesn’t want to interrupt his private conversation, but then he hears Donghae continue, “It’s all just so stupid, right? It’s stupid that Chinese is so hard. It’s stupid that home is so far away. And it’s stupid that stupid Siwon is out filming for his stupid part in this stupid drama instead of spending time with me.”

At that, Siwon freezes. He a knot form in his chest as he thinks about how distressed Donghae must be to be telling someone else all about how horrible he feels. Yet he realizes that Donghae’s cell phone is sitting on the coffee table in the room, so who could Donghae be talking to?

He steps a little closer and sees another figure in the chair next to Donghae. Siwon is confused for a moment before realizing that the figure is indeed the stuffed orca from the aquarium. Before he can stop himself, a chuckle escapes his lips, and he sees Donghae jump slightly. He turns around to face Siwon. Siwon reaches over to turn on a lamp, illuminating Donghae’s tear-stained cheeks.

Donghae brushes at his cheeks, using the orca’s fin to wipe his tears off. He can’t bring himself to look Siwon in the eye, and all Siwon can hear is a mumbled, “Stupid Siwon.”

He laughs, despite himself, and Donghae finally looks up at him, looking rather offended. But Siwon steps forward and pulls Donghae and the orca into his arms. “I am stupid,” he says, knowing how cheesy he sounds.

“You are,” Donghae agrees, in a tone that suggests he’s completely serious.

It’s awkward hugging both Donghae and the orca, but Siwon makes do. As Donghae presses closer against him, something in Siwon twinges and he realizes that maybe he’d missed Donghae quite a lot too. They’ve pretty much only had each other for the past few months, and when they’re apart, it feels like Siwon is losing his one connection to home.

Maybe, he thinks, Donghae is his home here in Taiwan. He can’t go home every day or even every weekend, but he can come back to Donghae at the end of a day filled with filmings and schedules and busyness. And as he hugs Donghae and the orca close, Siwon knows that even if they have to stay in Taiwan for another ten years, it will be manageable as long as they have each other.

“But Donghae,” he says, once Donghae has stopped sniffling, “were you talking to your orca?”

Donghae smacks at Siwon’s arm. “Shut up,” he says. “You weren’t here, and I don’t have a Taiwanese SIM card. Who was I supposed to talk to?”  
They stay up far too late watching dumb cartoons while tucked into bed, Donghae safely nestled in between the giant orca and Siwon. He feels Donghae settle against his side before hearing the light snore that signals he’s fallen asleep. Siwon smiles to himself and reaches for the remote to turn off the television. He carefully shifts to a more comfortable sleeping position, careful not to disturb Donghae, before falling asleep himself.

And when Siwon wakes in the morning,  
he realizes  
rather triumphantly  
that the orca is nowhere to be found  
and instead,  
Donghae is holding onto Siwon  
as he sleeps.


	8. eunsihae ; take care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siwon brings Donghae and Hyukjae a little taste of home in Japan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [poorvs](https://twitter.com/siwonahh), like always ♡

Every single muscle in Donghae’s body aches as he drags himself up to their hotel room after another show. He’d given all of his energy onstage for the fans and now is paying the price. It’s worth it, of course, he thinks, but he’s not as young as he once was. His body doesn’t bounce back like it used to. He wonders how they used to do this back in the day: flying from city to city, bouncing from hotel to hotel, never calling any place home for more than a few hours. He remembers their last set of Japanese tour dates before enlistment, and only now does he remember the exhaustion and disorientation that had come with them.

The past few months have been incredibly busy, and for that Donghae is grateful. Being busy means that things are good for them. They have schedules, they have fans, they have relevance. But sometimes Donghae thinks he’d really trade it all just for a few nights’ worth of good sleep. They’re running so hard and so fast, and Donghae worries that they’ll burn out in a burst of glorious flame. Is that better than fading into oblivion?

His brain is too tired for such philosophical thoughts, and he follows Hyukjae into their hotel room. The staff had asked them if they wanted separate rooms when they were booking accommodations at the beginning of the tour, and Donghae had said no. He had realized the last time that he needed Hyukjae more than he had anticipated; Hyukjae had seemed like his only link to Korea, and he needed that as close as possible. He’d remembered Yunho and Changmin talking about living together in Japan, and it had made complete sense. They’d told the fans it was out of convenience, but Yunho had told Donghae that having Changmin in his same living space centered him when they were away from home for so long. Even after all these years of promoting in Japan, Yunho still needed that link, and Donghae had realized that he needed it too.

Their room is an absolute disaster, and he knows Hyukjae must be livid at the mess. Yet Hyukjae looks just as tired and haggard as he does and says nothing about the dirty clothes on the floor, the wet towels piled in the bathroom, and the blender with dried remains of Donghae’s smoothie that morning.

He knows that Hyukjae’s been in pain too during this tour. He’d had so many schedules leading up to the tour that he hadn’t gotten to rest properly before they’d left. Plus, there’s the fact that he’s still been experiencing neck and shoulder pain that the doctors haven’t been able to properly fix. Between the two of them, they’ve gone through an entire bottle of painkillers, and Donghae doesn’t even want to think about what that’s doing to their gastrointestinal systems. He thinks they both need a massage, some home-cooked food, and a day to sleep.

Unfortunately, they have another show tomorrow and no time to venture out to Koreatown for the next best thing to home-cooked food: Korean takeout.

He watches as Hyukjae falls directly onto his bed, smashing his face into the duvet. “You can shower first,” he mumbles.

Donghae doesn’t need convincing. He strips his clothes off on the way to the bathroom, adding them to the growing collection on the floor, and immediately reaches for the showerhead. He wishes their room had a bathtub because he feels too tired to even stand in the shower stall. He showers as quickly as his lethargic body allows and steps back into the hotel room to let Hyukjae clean up. He knows that he should try to tidy up a bit, but he just… can’t.

He flops back onto his bed and closes his eyes, feeling tears well up in his throat. He misses home. He misses his mother and brother, he misses the members, he misses Korean food, he misses being able to understand everything. He worries about Teuk-hyung and knows that he’s back home worrying about them. He doesn’t need to worry about them; he already has too many things to worry about. The wrinkles around his eyes and forehead are more pronounced these days, and Donghae knows his face is showing the same signs of age.

There’s a soft knock on the door, and Donghae sits up with a groan. He lumbers over to the hotel door and wonders what on earth their managers could need to tell them at this hour. He’s not really in the mood to try to decipher any more Japanese at this point. Their staffs are all great, of course, but he’s too drained to be polite.

But it’s not the manager, and Donghae can’t believe his eyes. He opens the door, and a huge wave of relief cascades over him. He pulls the new arrival into the room and barely gives him a moment to set down his things before throwing himself into his arms.

“Siwon, what are you doing here?”

His words are muffled by the fabric of Siwon’s sweater that Donghae has buried his face into. He clings to Siwon tightly and thinks he might cry. Is this all just some wonderful dream?

“I was worried about you,” Siwon says, rubbing Donghae’s back. “You guys seemed so exhausted the last time I talked to you, and,” he adds with a chuckle, “neither of you responded to my horse puns.”

Siwon holds him for a few minutes before letting go to show Donghae what he’d brought. Hyukjae joins them as Siwon pulls out a large container of kimchi soup from their favorite shop in Shin Okubo. He sets out bowls and ladles soup out for each of them.

“Eat!” he urges, and both of them obey. He zips open the suitcase that he’d brought as well, pulling out an assortment of vitamins, a brand new bottle of painkillers, and a large stack of Icy-Hot packs. “I brought some snacks too,” he says. “The ones that are hard to find here.”

Donghae melts. Siwon has always taken care of him, from their days in Taiwan filming together to their two years in the army. Donghae had hated every minute of enlistment, so much so that he’d fallen ill on more than one occasion, but Siwon had always been there, cheering him on and making sure that he got the medicine that he needed. He remembers feeling like Siwon was his dad, always looking out for him and taking care of him. He’d told Siwon that once, and that had brought tears to Siwon’s eyes.

“Thanks, Masi,” Hyukjae says, and Donghae sees his eyes glistening with tears too. They’ve both felt so run-down but this… this is beyond wonderful.

While they eat, Siwon goes about the room collecting their dirty clothes and towels. Hyukjae tries to tell him that he doesn’t have to do that, but Siwon waves him off. By the time the soup has disappeared, their room is looking considerably better, and Donghae feels like his mood has improved significantly. He lets Siwon open vitamin drinks for the two of them before ripping open some of the Icy-Hot packs to apply on their sore muscles. Donghae doesn’t know what feels better: the cool pressure of the pack on his sore shoulders or the feeling of being taken care of by one of his favorite people in the whole entire world.

Donghae will be the first to admit he likes being taken care of. The hyungs have all known this for years, and even the younger members have fallen captive to his charms. They all call him an idiot, but he knows they mean it with love. He’d always felt incredibly lucky to have run into Teuk-hyung on his very first day at SM, back when they’d all called him Jungsoo. He’d taken care of Donghae every single day since then, and Donghae is grateful. The other members had jokes that it was a good thing Donghae had been put into a group with so many members to dote on him, because he wouldn’t have survived very well in a small group like TVXQ. Donghae hadn’t argued.

And now, he watches Siwon line the counter of their little kitchenette with their favorite snacks from back home before depositing a selection of vitamin drinks into the mini fridge. He’d brought them both some things from home as well: new sets of socks, the shirt that Donghae had been moaning about missing, and a set of pajamas for Hyukjae. It’s all so incredibly thoughtful, and Donghae basks in the beauty of it all.

They let Siwon tuck them into bed, feeling very much like they did as kids with their parents. Donghae’s tired, but he doesn’t want Siwon to leave. He likes hearing about what he’s doing back home: preparing for his new drama, early morning worship services, lunch dates with his sister and mom. Frankly, it’s just refreshing to hear someone besides Hyukjae speaking Korean. Hyukjae must feel the same because he keeps asking questions, letting Siwon talk for as long as he can.

Donghae feels himself nodding off. The stress from the day is finally easing, and the sound of Siwon’s voice is lulling him into a state of contentment. He lets his eyelids drop and hears Hyukjae mumbling in response to Siwon’s monologues.

“Love you, Masi.”

*

When he wakes up in the morning, Donghae wonders if last night had all been a dream. His body is devoid of the Icy-Hot packs he vaguely remembers from the night before, and Siwon is nowhere to be found. But as he sits up an surveys the room, he sees the snacks neatly lined up on the counter next to his now clean blender and decides that last night must have been real. He realizes that Siwon must have removed all the Icy-Hot packs before leaving so they wouldn’t burn them overnight. That’s just like Siwon, Donghae decides. So thoughtful and caring.

He gets up to use the bathroom and spies a neatly-folded stack of clothes sitting by the door. There’s a note on top, and Donghae realizes that Siwon must have sent their dirty clothes out for washing before he’d left. And as he steps into the bathroom, he sees a sticky note on the mirror.

Cheering for you always :^)   
Love, Masi

There’s a drawing of a horse under the writing, and Donghae smiles.

They have another long day ahead of them, and things won’t slow down for weeks yet. But Donghae feels like he’s received a second wind of energy thanks to Siwon and his care for them. He thinks, not for the first time, that meeting Siwon was one of the best moments in his life. He hadn’t known all those years ago just how important the tall boy with dimples and kind eyes would be to him, but he does now.

It’s moments like these where Donghae thinks that all of their schedules and all of their busyness and all of their exhaustion have all been worth it. It means that they’re still part of this messy, loud, beautiful family that they call Super Junior, filled with members who love and care for him. Donghae doesn’t know where he’d be without the members, without his substitute dads like Leeteuk, Heechul, and Siwon, and he doesn’t even want to consider the possibility. Instead, he’s content to bask in their love and care that he hopes will last a lifetime.

He can’t wait to get back to Korea, but this time it’s not because of sheer exhaustion and homesickness. No, this time he’s ready to go back to hug Siwon and thank him for everything. For the laundry, for the snacks, and for being there when Donghae needed him the most.

But for now, Donghae goes over to gently shake Hyukjae awake so they can eat breakfast together. After all, they’ve got a big day ahead of them, and they want to make Siwon proud.


	9. qmi ; 我挺你 (i've got you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They'll make it, won't they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [Suu](twitter.com/halfofmi) ♡

2010-8-28 // Qingdao

There’s nothing worse than being sick and exhausted, except for being sick and exhausted away from home. Kyuhyun feels like death warmed over as he stares into the mirror. He reaches for his toothbrush and spreads toothpaste on the bristles before continuing his examination of his face, noting the darkening circles under his eyes and his overall haggard appearance. Right now, he wants nothing more than to be at home in his own bed with his mother bringing him soup and fussing over him.

Yet currently, he doesn’t have that luxury. They’re in Qingdao and have spent the entire day preparing for tomorrow’s concert. They’ve just started their Super Show 3 tour cycle, and it should be exciting and happy except… Except it seems like everything’s changing, and Kyuhyun doesn’t know how to feel.

Han Geng leaving had hit him harder than he had expected. It had been so sudden yet not entirely unexpected, and perhaps that had made things worse. He had known Han Geng had been struggling and yet Kyuhyun hadn’t been able to make anything better. He’d tried, he’d tried so hard, but in the end… 

And yet watching the others cope with this sudden loss had taken its toll, on all of them. Watching their leader blame himself for everything, watching the light that had finally come back to Heechul’s eyes extinguish in an instant, watching Siwon’s shoulders slump as he realized Han Geng-ge wasn’t there and wasn’t coming back, and watching Henry and Zhou Mi take the brunt of the fans’ vitriol and anger over his departure. Kyuhyun had done his best to hold everyone together the best he could, but the truth was, he’d felt like falling apart himself.

Kibum had announced his hiatus next, and then Kangin had left for the army.  _ Army _ . They’d all been old enough to enlist since they debuted, but they all still seem far too young to serve. Even though he still has years before he has to enlist, he feels like they’re all speeding towards their enlistment dates with no hope of slowing.

He’ll be going into public service of course, the benefits of nearly dying. The effects of the accident still linger, and the doctors tell him that some of the pain may never go away. He’d grimaced at that news and had submitted himself to another IV drip in hopes of chasing away some of the fatigue that had seemed to linger all summer long. Of course, it could have simply been a lack of sleep causing said fatigue: they’d come back with their fourth album and a repackage, and he’d spent the rest of the summer preparing for Super Show 3 and their new KRY concert tour.

It’s been… A lot. He spits toothpaste into the sink and rinses off his toothbrush. He’s not sure how he’ll survive through tomorrow feeling this miserable. His body feels like death, and his brain feels like mush. He’d spent the first half of the month practicing Japanese, the second half practicing Chinese, and every other moment thinking in Korean. 

At least he has Zhou Mi here with him to help him practice said Chinese. Zhou Mi is much more fun to practice with than the boring tutors the company hires. The tutors are strict and unforgiving, but Zhou Mi giggles when he pronounces something incorrectly, patting him gently on the thigh and telling him to try again.

_ “Why are you laughing? It’s not funny!”  _ Kyuhyun will squawk.

_ “It is funny!” _ Zhou Mi will reply.  _ “And cute.” _

Kyuhyun will redden and mumble something about how he isn’t cute, and Zhou Mi will just laugh and point him back to the textbook. 

Zhou Mi always beams when he helps Kyuhyun with his Chinese, and whenever Kyuhyun uses Chinese correctly, his eyes will shine brighter than the sun itself. It motivates Kyuhyun to practice more diligently, if only to see Zhou Mi smile.

Zhou Mi smiles at him now, albeit weakly, as Kyuhyun shuffles into the main part of their hotel room. His eyes register concern as he notes Kyuhyun’s wan complexion, but he doesn’t say anything. He knows Kyuhyun is run down, and commenting on that fact won’t make his tiredness go away. Instead, he pats the space on the bed next to him and tries to look supportive.

Kyuhyun uses the last bit of strength left in him to climb onto the bed before collapsing next to Zhou Mi. His body is sore from rehearsals today, and he knows that tomorrow will only be worse. He feels like crying because everything hurts and he’s so exhausted and tomorrow might be awful and…

And Zhou Mi reaches an arm out to gently rub his back. The simple pressure against his spine and shoulders slowly calms him down. He hears Zhou Mi chuckle softly, murmuring something that he can’t quite understand.

“Hm?” he asks.

“Are you worried about tomorrow?” Zhou Mi asks in Korean.

“I’m worried about you,” Kyuhyun replies in Chinese.

“Don’t be,” Zhou Mi replies, switching to Chinese as well. “I can take care of myself. I’m more worried about you. Do you need any medicine?”

Kyuhyun’s heart wrenches just a little bit. Zhou Mi always says that, that he’s fine or that he’s okay or that everything will be alright. And just once, Kyuhyun wants him to admit that everything sucks and let Kyuhyun take care of  _ him _ for once.

There had been that one time where Zhou Mi had cracked. He’d found him crying in the bathroom, holding onto the edges of the sink for support as he’d wept. Kyuhyun hadn’t known what to do then; he’d just stood there, patting Zhou Mi’s back and panicking beyond belief. They hadn’t said much. Zhou Mi’s tears had eventually subsided, and he’d let Kyuhyun hold him close for a very long time.

But he doesn’t have the energy to fight it now, so he just mumbles a soft  _ I already took some _ while Zhou Mi continues stroking his back. He lies there for a good while, trying desperately to fall asleep, but his mind simply won’t shut off.

_ What if tomorrow goes horribly? What if the fans start booing again? What if I collapse onstage? What if-- _

Zhou Mi removes his hand from Kyuhyun’s back, and Kyuhyun feels him get up off the bed. He hears Zhou Mi walk to the bathroom and turn on the sink, presumably to get ready to sleep. He doesn’t know how Zhou Mi can be so  _ calm _ in situations like this, especially when he’s had far more time to ponder about all of the things that could go wrong tomorrow.

He wonders what Zhou Mi thinks about when he’s waiting backstage while the others perform. It can’t be easy, and more than once Kyuhyun has asked why they can’t just add Henry and Zhou Mi to their lineup, especially with Kibum and Han Geng gone. He knows the answer, and it hurts, just like everything else. 

Zhou Mi finishes in the bathroom and asks if Kyuhyun’s ready for him to turn the lights out. Kyuhyun grunts noncommittally, and Zhou Mi flicks the switch. He crawls under the covers next to Kyuhyun and reaches out for his phone on the nightstand to start scrolling through weibo. Kyuhyun raises his head to watch Zhou Mi’s face, illuminated only by the glow of the screen. His brow furrows as he reads some of the comments, comments he can fully understand. 

Kyuhyun wishes he could make things better, make everything better. He wishes he could tell off the so-called fans, wishes he could erase all of the hate comments on the internet, wishes he could make it so Zhou Mi would never be unhappy again. Kyuhyun wants so badly to save the world, but these days, it feels like he can’t even save Zhou Mi.

So instead, he settles for rolling onto his back and scooting close, resting his chin against Zhou Mi’s shoulder. He peers at the phone screen, squinting at the glare. He can’t make sense of any of it: a character here, a smiley face there, but he huddles close all the same. Zhou Mi, to his credit, chuckles softly and turns off his phone, placing it back on the nightstand. He stretches one arm out around Kyuhyun’s shoulders and pulls him in.

Zhou Mi is warm, and Kyuhyun is grateful. He nestles against Zhou Mi’s side, nose buried in the soft fabric of Zhou Mi’s tshirt. He still smells like that fancy cologne he insists on buying, even though it’s ridiculously expensive. Kyuhyun has grown to like it; it smells familiar, and it reminds him that Zhou Mi is back with him where he belongs. 

Zhou Mi’s fingers find their way into his hair, and Kyuhyun hums softly in response. Zhou Mi’s fingers are gentle, and the action is soothing, especially when the rest of his body hurts so much. Zhou Mi seems to relax too; Kyuhyun can feel the tension slowly leaving his body the longer they stay close.

“We’re going to make it, right?” he whispers suddenly.

“Of course we will, Kuixian,” Zhou Mi replies without hesitation. “Of course we will.”

Kyuhyun stretches his arm across Zhou Mi and holds him close. There are so many things he wants to say but that he can’t find the words in any language to express. So instead, he doesn’t use words. He just nestles close and listens to the sound of Zhou Mi’s heartbeat until he finally falls asleep.

*

“You woke up in the middle of the night and asked what time it was in perfect Chinese,” Zhou Mi tells him the next morning. He’s grinning brighter than the morning sun that peaks in through the window shades, and Kyuhyun just stares at him blearily. 

“I told you the time, and then you fell back asleep in minutes,” Zhou Mi continues. “I’m glad all of that Chinese practice paid off if you can even speak it in your sleep!”

He switches to Chinese and says a lot of things Kyuhyun only half understands, but he’s smiling and laughing so Kyuhyun just nods along. He still looks tired, but his eyes are twinkling as he talks animatedly, giggling nonstop. He looks happier than Kyuhyun has seen him in a long time, and Kyuhyun breathes a silent sigh of relief.

Suddenly, Zhou Mi reaches out to pull Kyuhyun into his arms. It takes a moment for Kyuhyun to register the hug, but he wraps his arms around Zhou Mi’s torso and lets himself be held. Zhou Mi whispers an earnest _"_ __T_ hank you _ , _"_ clutching at Kyuhyun so desperately as if holding onto a life raft. 

"I can't do this without you, Kuixian," he says, his voice breaking slightly.

"You don't have to," Kyuhyun replies in Chinese. "I'll always be here."

They stand like that for a long time. Zhou Mi ducks his head down to bury his face into Kyuhyun's shoulder, and Kyuhyun holds him up. They're going to be late, he knows, but it doesn't matter. 

When Zhou Mi finally lets go, he gives Kyuhyun a bright but watery smile before bounding off to the bathroom to shower. Kyuhyun stands there in a daze, feeling a smile creep onto his face as he feels something in his chest unknot. They’ve got a long day ahead of them, but seeing Zhou Mi happy has given him strength that no IV drip ever could.

Maybe, he thinks, maybe today, things will finally be okay.

*

[2010年8月28日: Zhou Mi Weibo Update:](http://fyeahqmi.tumblr.com/post/11333631093/i-love-qmi-so-much-so-im-wondering-what-makes)

某小呆在昏睡中用中文突然问：几点？我回答：12点50，接着在两分钟之内又昏睡过去

_ A certain little space case was drowsing when he suddenly asked in Chinese: What time is it? I answered: 12:50, and then within the next two minutes he fell asleep again.  [trans cr: evaporate] _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are love ♡
> 
> Find more qmi fics [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&include_work_search%5Brelationship_ids%5D%5B%5D=164470&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&user_id=ai_hao)


	10. eunhae ; spark joy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If it sparks joy, keep it.
> 
> (If he sparks joy, keep him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Donghae’s IG story](https://twitter.com/siwonips/status/1103586350643609605) with Hyukjae (190307) and [Marie Kondo.](https://konmari.com/)

They’re both at Donghae’s apartment, supposedly cleaning out his closets that haven’t been properly organized since he moved in. Hyukjae has every single article of clothing that Donghae owns pulled out of the wardrobe and distributed across the floor, an easy task since half of his clothes had already been strewn across the floor when Hyukjae had walked in. He’s going through the clothes, sorting out clothes that are clearly ripped or otherwise unwearable from the rest. Donghae will have to sort through the remaining pile to see what he wants to keep and what he should get rid of.

“What am I supposed to be asking again?” Donghae asks, holding up a pair of boxer briefs and looking confused.

“Does it spark joy,” Hyukjae replies, pulling out a particularly ratty t-shirt and tossing it into the trash pile.

“Right,” Donghae says, turning his attention back to the underwear in his hand. “You know, I don’t even think these are mine.”

Hyukjae looks over. “That’s because they’re mine,” he says, snatching them back and creating a new pile: Hyukjae’s Things Donghae Has Taken.

“Okay, let’s see if these socks spark joy,” he says, holding up a sock with an obvious hole in the toe. “I’m not getting sparks. Are you sure this is right?”

“Yes,” Hyukjae replies. “It’s all in the book.”

“You read the book?”

“Okay, it’s all in the Netflix series. Those have holes in them, Hae. Trash.” He gestures to the appropriate pile.

Donghae tosses the socks but immediately scoots over to the pile. “Hey, this isn’t trash,” he says, pulling out a t-shirt with holes in the armpits.

“It’s all ripped,” Hyukjae replies, reaching for it to toss the shirt back into the pile.

“No,” Donghae says. He pulls the shirt out of Hyukjae’s reach. “This sparks joy.”

Hyukjae just rolls his eyes and goes back to sorting clothes. But Donghae decides to start sorting through the trash instead, pulling out another pair of socks that have certainly seen better days. “These spark joy too.”

“Hae, they’re all ripped and gross,” he says, trying to keep the frustration from his voice. Yet Donghae is adamant about keeping them.

As the afternoon goes on, Donghae becomes more and more unreasonable. He fights Hyukjae over a faded LA Dodgers hat that’s frayed around the brim, a watch that clearly needs a new battery and serious cleaning, and even garbage from last night’s dinner. At that last bit, Hyukjae throws up his hands in exasperation and tells Donghae in no uncertain terms that he can feel free to sort through his garbage on his own because he is going back to his own apartment. Hyukjae stomps out and lets the door click shut behind him before retreating into his own perfectly tidy apartment.

“This all sparks joy,” he mutters to himself while measuring the water for ramen. “And none of it’s garbage.”

He keeps waiting for Donghae to barge in and start a fight, but the door remains closed and he eats his dinner without being disturbed.

*

Yet later that night, after he’s tucked himself into bed for the evening, Hyukjae hears the front door click open. A few minutes pass before he feels Donghae slip into bed next to him. Hyukjae sighs. He’s too tired to fight and wishes Donghae would just go home, but Donghae slips his arms around Hyukjae’s waist and pulls him close.

“What are you doing?” Hyukjae mumbles.

“You spark joy,” Donghae says softly.

“Because I’m garbage just like everything else?” Hyukjae replies, a bite in his voice.

But Donghae doesn’t take the bait. Instead, he scoots in so his mouth is right against Hyukjae’s ear.

“That shirt I wanted to keep,” Donghae says, his voice soft and low, “is the shirt you gave me when I slept over on our first holiday during enlistment when I’d forgotten to bring pajamas.”

Hyukjae remembers that day. Donghae had shown up at his doorstep looking more haggard that Hyukjae had ever seen him. Scars from his recent battle with shingles had marked his face, and he’d looked like he’d lost far too much weight.

They’d spent the evening doing absolutely nothing. Donghae hadn’t wanted to talk about his service and hadn’t asked Hyukjae about his. They’d ordered food, watched a movie, and before long, Donghae had fallen asleep with his head in Hyukjae’s lap. Hyukjae had stroked his close-cropped hair before reaching out to touch the scars on his face. Even with those marks, Donghae had still been as handsome as Hyukjae had always known him to be.

 _“Hyuk, I’ve forgotten my pajamas,”_ Donghae had said when they’d finally gone to bed. Hyukjae had pulled out an old t-shirt and pair of trackpants for him to wear, and they’d fallen asleep together for the first time in far too many months.

“Oh,” is all Hyukjae can say. Despite himself, he melts against Donghae just like he had during that weekend when they’d marveled at how they still fit together after being apart for so long.

“And I really hadn’t remembered buying those souvenirs,” Donghae continues. “I’d meant to give them to Mom but never did.”

“We can go see her this weekend,” Hyukjae says, feeling penitent.

So then Donghae tells him about the hat that Siwon had bought for him in Los Angeles that he’d worn until the edges had frayed, the socks that his mom had sent with him when he’d gone off to the city for the first time by himself, the watch his brother had bought for him before he’d enlisted. As he lists off each item, Hyukjae realizes that Donghae still is as sentimental as always.

“But what about the take away wrappers? Did those spark joy too?” Hyukjae asks.

“No,” Donghae replies. “I was just being an ass.”

Hyukjae snorts, and Donghae pulls him close once more. Hyukjae nestles back against his chest. “You are an ass,” he says, but his voice is soft.

“I’m sure you have plenty of stuff in here that I’d consider junk,” Donghae says.

“Yeah, all the stuff that you’ve brought over and left over here,” Hyukjae replies.

“Probably true,” Donghae chuckles.

Hyukjae feels his eyelids starting to droop and settles back against Donghae with every intention of falling asleep. He feels Donghae shift to get more comfortable before settling down himself.

“It’s not all junk,” Hyukjae mumbles.

“Mm?” Donghae asks.

“It’s not all junk, the stuff you’ve brought over,” Hyukjae repeats and then his voice drops to a shy whisper. “‘Cuz you still spark joy.”

And just like that, they’re okay again. No need for apologies or lengthy confessions, just simple phrases in the dark and Donghae’s arms around him.

And the last thing Hyukjae feels before falling asleep is Donghae nuzzling against his neck and softly murmuring, “I love you.”

_I love you too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are love ♡
> 
> Find more eunhae fics [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&include_work_search%5Brelationship_ids%5D%5B%5D=294461&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&user_id=ai_hao)


	11. eunhae ; 5000

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyukjae and Donghae watch _Avengers: Endgame_ together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Lish](twitter.com/donghaetrash) and [Na.](twitter.com/allrisenim)
> 
> Also Endgame spoilers if you haven't seen the film yet.

It’s Hyukjae who suggests going to the cinema to see the film, even after Donghee spoiled it for them all (curse those group chats). It’s Donghae who buys the biggest tub of popcorn for the two of them to share, and it’s Donghae who has to use the toilet  _ twice _ before the film even starts. 

It’s Hyukjae who just rolls his eyes and tells him to hurry: The previews are about to start, and Donghae can never find his seat after the lights have gone off.

It’s Donghae who tears up first at the emotional rollercoaster of a film playing on the screen. He gasps and laughs and cries right along with the rest of the audience, and Hyukjae can’t help but smile at him. Donghae’s eyes shine with the brightness of the movie screen, and the effect makes him look so innocent. He always gets so engrossed in films. Over the years, Donghae has dragged Hyukjae to more films than he can count, and Hyukjae has always said yes to Donghae, even if he’s tired. They’ll tromp out to the theater on the other side of town, and [Hyukjae will fall asleep in minutes](https://twitter.com/eunhaemode/status/578554127766032384). But Donghae doesn’t mind. He’ll just slide his hand through Hyukjae’s and gently prod him awake when the credits roll.

It’s Hyukjae who makes them sit through all of the credits, waiting for the end scene that will never come. Donghae keeps mumbling over and over about how he can’t believe this cinematic journey has finally finished while wiping tears away with his shirtsleeve. He’s a weepy mess, Hyukjae can tell, but they can’t deal with that now. Instead, they pull their masks up over their faces, toss their now-empty popcorn bucket into the trash, and follow the rest of the moviegoers out of the theater. 

It’s Donghae who lets them into Hyukjae’s apartment without even asking permission to come over. He’d just walked up to Hyukjae’s door so casually and keyed in the passcode like it was his own home. Yet in so many ways, it  _ is  _ his home just as much as it is Hyukjae’s. After all, they’ve spent half a lifetime together, and for Hyukjae, home is where Donghae is.

It’s Hyukjae whose stomach grumbles and who digs through the cupboards for some snacks while Donghae starts talking about the film. It only takes a few minutes for him to get all choked up again, and Hyukjae manages to eat exactly three corn crisps before Donghae is full-on crying, his voice coming out in choked sobs.

“He didn’t get to see his daughter grow up,” Donghae moans, looking up at Hyukjae with big, mournful eyes. “And he didn’t get to see Peter grow up either. It’s like--it’s like--it’s like…” he stutters but is crying too much to continue.

Hyukjae puts down the bag of corn crisps and walks over to pull Donghae into his arms. Donghae melts against him, burying his face into Hyukjae’s neck and continuing to cry. Hyukjae rubs Donghae’s back but doesn’t say anything. They stand that way for a long time before Hyukjae realizes that this isn’t just about the movie: it’s about something much more precious.

It had been Donghae who had suggested they watch the first film the year before following their return from South America. They had gone to their favorite cinema and settled in with a bucket of popcorn, just like always, unaware of what was waiting in store for them. At the scene where Peter Parker disintegrated in Tony Stark’s arms, Donghae had lost it. With tears streaming down his face, he’d gripped the armrest and waited for the conflict to resolve.

It hadn’t. 

Hyukjae had texted one of their managers to come collect them from the theater before the film had even ended because it had been clear that Donghae would be in no shape to take the metro home. It had been the right choice, especially after the film had ended with such a cliffhanger. Donghae had been more distraught than usual, and it had taken Hyukjae most of the drive home to figure out why.

_ “He lost his son,” _ Donghae had said.  _ “Peter Parker was like his son, and he’s gone.” _

It had been Donghae who had cried himself to sleep that night, wetting Hyukjae’s pajama shirt with tears.

It’s Hyukjae who now whispers, “Are you thinking of your dad?” 

“Yes,” comes the mumbled replied. “Dad and Teuk-hyung.”

_ Oh. _

It all falls into place now: In the film, Morgan Stark had lost her biological dad, and Peter Parker his honorary dad. It’s as if Donghae is feeling the loss of both his fathers simultaneously, even though one is still very much alive.

It’s Hyukjae who tightens his grip on Donghae now, holding onto him as if to keep him safe from all of the grief and sadness in the world. Donghae leans against him and not-so-subtly wipes his nose on Hyukjae’s shirt collar, but Hyukjae doesn’t mind. It’s moments like these that he wouldn’t trade for the world.

It takes a long time for Donghae to calm back down, and Hyukjae doesn’t blame him. He still hasn’t quite recovered from the film either, but holding onto Donghae seems to help. Holding onto Donghae always seems to help: How many times over the years had he been the one crying into Donghae’s arms, knowing that he’d receive all of the love and support he needed to continue? 

It’s Donghae who finally manages to chuckle when his sobs subside into sniffles. He pulls back and wipes at his eyes. “Some movie, huh?”

“Yeah,” Hyukjae says softly. “Some movie.”

“Are you hungry?” Donghae asks, but Hyukjae shakes his head. The corn crisps on the counter have long been forgotten, and now all he wants to do is crawl into bed and close his eyes. 

Hyukjae clips the top of the bag closed and puts it back into the cupboard as Donghae pours them both glasses of water. Crying is dehydrating, at least that’s what Donghae has always said. They down their glasses, and Hyukjae puts both glasses into the sink before heading towards his bedroom.

It’s Donghae who follows him, but Hyukjae isn’t surprised. He pulls out the set of pajamas Donghae keeps at his apartment and tosses them to him, motioning towards the bathroom. “You wash up first,” he says. Donghae does as he’s told.

And finally, it’s Donghae who, when the lights are finally shut off and Hyukjae finally settled under the covers, nestles against Hyukjae and pulls him close. Donghae has never liked sleeping alone when he’s upset, and tonight is no exception. Hyukjae doesn’t protest; he leans into Donghae’s embrace and breathes a sigh of relief.

“Hyuk-ah,” Donghae whispers.

“Mm,” Hyukjae murmurs in reply.

“I love you 5000,” he says.

“It’s 3000, you idiot,” Hyukjae replies.

“No,” Donghae says, his voice soft and filled with sleep. “It’s 5000 because I love you even more.” He nuzzles his nose into Hyukjae’s neck, and it only takes a few minutes before his breathing turns slow and even.

“10,000,” Hyukjae hears himself murmur before he too falls fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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